Written by Sohale, Founder of Soul. All of the below content is my personal opinion based on my 20-year journey of meditation, self-exploration, and coaching.

Background

Throughout history, the quest for self-discovery has remained a fundamental pursuit for humanity. The profound understanding of oneself—embracing emotional, psychological, and spiritual dimensions—is widely acknowledged as a gateway to profound inner peace, happiness, and fulfillment.

However, in this day and age, this quest has become increasingly challenging. We’re bombarded with a plethora of resources—podcasts, books, speakers, articles, quizzes, and more—creating a maze that makes it daunting to discern where to begin and which avenues merit our time and attention.

This guide emerges as a culmination of my personal journey, complemented by extensive research and insightful interviews conducted with experts. It serves as a beacon, illuminating the most effective tools, approaches, and resources available. They’re specifically curated to empower all of us with the means to initiate and navigate our journey towards self-discovery.

Approach

"Understanding our thoughts is the door to understanding who we are."

Embedded within Zoroastrianism, the world's oldest monotheistic religion, lies a fundamental teaching encapsulated by the phrase “Good thoughts, good words, good deeds.” This principle resonates at the core of Abrahamic religions, manifesting through the “Golden Rule.”

This guide harnesses the profound wisdom of Zoroastrianism, offering a simple yet profound blueprint for self-discovery. At its essence, this principle illustrates the interconnectedness of thoughts, words, and actions: cultivating positive thoughts naturally leads to positive speech and, in turn, drives one towards virtuous actions. Essentially, fostering a mindset rooted in goodness translates into a life adorned with benevolent deeds.

Consequently, this guide is dedicated to equipping us with the tools and insights necessary to navigate, manage, and transform our thoughts. Recognizing the underlying narratives that shape one's thoughts forms the bedrock of self-understanding.

The narrative one constructs about oneself—the “I” that we identify with—acts as a torch illuminating both conscious and subconscious narratives. These narratives mold our daily thoughts, speech, and actions, becoming the compass guiding our existence. Discovering the often subtle societal narratives imposed upon us becomes the crux of this exploration.

Thus, our focus delves deeply into the art of self-awareness concerning these narratives. By revealing these inner dialogues, individuals gain the power to reframe and construct empowering narratives, aligning their lives with the heartfelt aspirations that resonate within.

The Guide

Thoughts are informed by narratives from yourself and the world around you. The below guide shows some of the most compelling areas to start illuminating those narratives.

The below steps are suggestions. Start wherever resonates with you for where you are on your journey.

Quizzes & Charts

“Despite many limitations, quizzes and charts can provide the first spark of inspiration in understanding yourself.”

A free, easy, and joyful way to just get started, the below offerings are often a first step in understanding yourself.

Ultimately, they are a means to starting a conversation of the narratives that you tell yourself. Are you really a manifesting generator? Or an INFJ? How? These are meaningful types of questions to ask.

• Gratitude Guide Type: A quick and easy quiz to understand how you experience gratitude and inner joy. You can leverage your gratitude guide type to double down on moments in your life and relationships that bring deeper joy.
• Dimensional: Provides an in-depth look at your personality. Their quizzes can take time, but they’re super interesting in understanding psychological qualities.
• Human Design: Scary accurate. Wikipedia says it well, “Human Design combines astrology, the I Ching, Kabbalah, and Vedic philosophy, centering around the division of personalities into four energy types.”
• Gene Keys: A deeper understanding of human design that speaks to your purpose based on your energetic vibration.
• Pattern: This astrology app does a good job—compared to others out there—in articulating the relationship between your stars and what it means to be.

Action Item

Try the above and remember they are conversation-starters for yourself to start understanding how you see and speak to yourself. Do the quiz results align with your narrative of yourself? If not, what are the narratives that say otherwise?

Affirmations & Language

“By reframing your language to be positively-oriented, you reveal the narratives that suggest you are less.”

I delved into self-discovery for years, exploring coaching, spirituality, workshops, and exercises. A transformative coaching session scrutinized my speech patterns, revealing a consistent tendency to frame sentences negatively. Realizing this negativity affected my desires, we shifted towards positive language, effectively expressing my needs.

This linguistic shift wasn't just about communication; I discovered I was using negative language on myself too. Weakly positive phrases turned active: "I'm raising that round" instead of "I want to raise a round of financing." This reframing empowered my self-talk, akin to affirmations, like my mantra: "I am love, loved, and loving."

Crafting affirmations aligned with desires reshapes interactions, fostering a more positive and abundant worldview. It also reveals conflicting narratives within. Sometimes, despite affirmations, feelings of negativity persist, indicating deeper narratives that contradict my affirmations. This prompts a deeper exploration using techniques like Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy—see the next point—or more specific affirmations to reframe conflicting narratives.

Action Item

Do you use negatively-oriented sentences i.e. words like “can’t,” “couldn’t,” “don’t,” etc.? Does the world—people, content, ads, etc.—around you frame sentences as such? If so, how can you reframe them to be positive? Make a list of positive sentences you want yourself to hear about yourself. Say them daily. Yes, you’re beautiful.

Internal Family Systems

“IFS helps reveal the memories and ‘parts’ that have you react to life versus being in life.”

Therapy isn't everyone's cup of tea, and cost can be a barrier for many. Regardless of your stance on therapy, there's a book by therapist Richard Schwartz titled "You Are the One You've Been Waiting For" that I highly recommend.

This book introduces an intriguing therapy approach called Internal Family Systems (IFS). It dives into the various "parts" within your psyche, representing different experiences and emotions from your past. The idea is that these parts shape your reactions and behaviors in the present. For example, there’s the “4-year-old self that was bullied,” the “10-year-old self that loves the violin,” or the “15-year-old self that experienced love.”

Let's say someone's comment annoys you; according to IFS, it's about recognizing which part from your past is touched by that comment and working inwardly to heal with that part. It's a journey of understanding the narratives ingrained in these parts, which subtly guides your everyday life.

This book is a game-changer. If you're open to it and have the means, working with an IFS therapist can deepen this exploration.

For me, this book became a guide. It helped me ask important questions about my own "parts" and the narratives influencing me and my relationships. This understanding proved pivotal in addressing past experiences that were holding me back from being my true self.

Action Item

Read the book by therapist Richard Schwartz called, “You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For.” After reading it, start reflecting on the memories in your past that moved you. Perhaps speak to that younger self? What does he/she have to say? It’s potentially the beginning of a journey of discovery, healing, and peace.

Heroes & Role Models

“Heroes and role models remind us of the narratives of who we want to be and, deeply, who we really are.”

The heroes and role models that resonate with our hearts illuminate inner narratives of what we believe. By illuminating such narratives, we learn more about what narratives are informing our concept of good, evil, kindness, sacrifice, and morality.

Importantly, remembering heroes and role models and their stories, can inspire us to adopt and fulfill narratives that align with our hearts. It’s like a compass, guiding our hearts and minds of who we want to be and, ultimately, who we are.

Interestingly, stories of heroes and role models are an age-old tradition, spanning different cultures and often used to inspire individuals. Psychological research from Professor Philip Zambardo—who pioneered the consequential Stanford Prison Experiment—also substantiates this.

Action Item

Who are heroes and/or role models—alive or in the past—that move your heart? What inspires you about them? How can you be more like them in your own life?

Thought-Provoking Reading

“Books can inspire deeper reflection and inspiration on our own inner narratives.”

There are so many great books to read. Ranked in an order that will build upon themselves, these are 5 compelling, genius must-reads:

• The Untethered Soul
• The Power of Now
• You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For
• The Gift
• The Freedom Transmissions

Action Item

Read these books at your own leisure. Each one will provide a viewpoint on your being. What viewpoints resonate? Which ones create excitement? Double-down on aligning your life around those. Which ones feel out of alignment and why?

Adopting Mindfulness Practices

“A gratitude practice is one of the most powerful tools to reframe the narrative of your life.”

Gratitude

Gratitude is one of the most powerful tools to transform the heart and mind. It improves joy, happiness, contentment in addition to boosting your immune system and cardiovascular health. It also reduces anxiety and burnout by reframing narratives of the mind towards the positive.

But, for many, building a gratitude practice is hard. That’s why I created Soul, a tool that makes it easier than ever for anyone to build a gratitude practice. Backed by three years of data, Soul sends consciously-varied nudges via SMS to make journaling joyful and accessible.

This should be a daily or weekly habit.

Breathwork

A powerful and intense exercise that can reveal inner pains, provide healing, and significantly reduce anxiety. For your first breathwork session, it’s important to start this type of experience in a class and/or supervised setting.

Find a local meditation place to try it out. Alternatively, if you’re looking for a coach and/or digital solution, try Open.

Some people do breathwork daily, monthly, or quarterly. Do what resonates with the heart.

Meditation

The power of meditation is incredible: it can decrease stress, anxiety, and pain. You can try apps like Calm and Headspace, but why not go to the gurus of meditation to get the best approach?

The Self-Realization Fellowship—a public and world-renown mystical path—is based on the teachings of Pramahansa Yogananda. He brought Kriya Yoga to the West. His teachings are based on thousands of years of ancient meditation teachings in India. Try this meditation here or their classes here.

There’s also a sensational Kabbalah meditation on the name of God revealed to Moses, a relaxing Catholic meditation here, and a soul-moving Sufi “how-to” meditation here. See more details in the “Mysticism” section below.

Some do meditation daily, weekly, or monthly. Do what resonates with the heart.

Friends & Family

“The people we surround ourselves with speak to who we are.”

The attitudes, values, and behaviors of the people we surround ourselves with—whether consciously or subconsciously—affect the way we perceive ourselves. This phenomenon stems from the inherent human tendency to mirror, absorb, and internalize the characteristics and beliefs of those in our social sphere.

When we spend time with individuals who exude positivity, encouragement, and ambition, their attitudes can inadvertently bolster our self-confidence and reinforce a narrative of empowerment within us. Conversely, constant exposure to negativity, criticism, or pessimism can gradually erode our self-esteem and paint a narrative of self-doubt or limitation in our minds. Our interactions with friends, family, colleagues, and mentors play a pivotal role in shaping our self-perception and guiding our understanding of who we are.

This unconscious absorption of narratives from our social circles underscores the importance of intentional choices in our relationships. Being mindful of the attitudes and values prevalent among those we surround ourselves with allows us to proactively curate an environment that fosters growth, positivity, and a sense of empowerment, ultimately contributing to a more resilient and authentic sense of self.

Action Item

Do those around you amplify your vision of your greatest self? Do they inspire you to find inner joy? What narratives are they subtly telling you whether those are positive or negative? Evaluate those relationships. Be courageous in moving away from those that push you toward darkness and move closer to those that pull you towards light.

Mysticism

For those embracing a Higher Power—the Creator of all Narratives—exploring mystical traditions (e.g., Kabbalah, St. Ignatius's teachings, Sufism, Buddhism, Kriya Yoga) aligned with personal beliefs could be transformative.

These time-tested yet overlooked paths within traditions offer resources for self-discovery and connection to the Divine. Choose a path that speaks to your heart.

Embracing mysticism guided my journey to self-realization, and these paths, with their rituals, breathwork, and meditations, unveil the inherent truth: our embodiment of the Divine.

Discussing Psychedelics

Given its expanded use, psychedelics like psybicilin offer a potential path for addressing deep emotional narratives when other methods have been exhausted. However, they pose risks, and can lead to manic episodes. Traditionally, these substances were reserved for spiritual growth and guidance after rigorous preparation.

In our modern times, these practices have become more accessible, but without the context and wisdom of their traditional use. There's also a profit-driven motive behind their expanded accessibility.

While exploring psychedelics might be an option after exhausting other avenues, it's crucial to approach them with awareness and caution due to their potential risks and the commercial interests involved.

Grounding Rituals & Techniques

Once you gain a deeper understanding of the narratives shaping your identity, it becomes essential to incorporate grounding rituals and techniques into your routine. The crux lies in remaining vigilant against narratives that unconsciously enter your consciousness, while honoring and remembering those narratives that authentically define you.

For instance, when your narrative aligns with being a compassionate individual, your actions should naturally mirror and fortify that narrative.

Here are a few examples of methods to anchor yourself in your authentic narratives:

1. Dress

Audit your wardrobe with intent - is it a visual representation of the person you aspire to be? Deliberately curating your appearance communicates a story to the world, solidifying the internal narrative you wish to embody.

Action Item: Go through your wardrobe: remove that which is misaligned with your inner narrative and double-down on the outfits that are.

2. Supporting Causes

Your spending habits reveal your values. If kindness is important to you, patronize businesses that embody this virtue. By endorsing such places and people, you not only contribute to their growth but also fortify your personal narrative, aligning your actions with your beliefs.

Action Item: Review where you spend money throughout the day. Do the establishments you spend money on truly and fully align with what you want to see more of in the world? If so, keep supporting those businesses and find replacements to those that are out of alignment.

3. Morning and Night Rituals

Establishing routines is a potent method for grounding oneself. Whether it's a morning ritual involving activities like walking, praying, or meditating, or an evening routine of self-care and reflection, these practices serve as consistent reminders that reinforce and shape your internal narratives.

Action Item: Pick one ritual—even if it’s very simple—to do in the morning and one before you go to bed. It should feel sweet to the heart whether that’s meditating, reading, journaling, praying, or a beauty routine.

4. Sacred Spaces

Identify sanctuaries in your life that bring you peace and grounding, and visit them regularly. Keep these places close to your heart, whether it's a garden, cherished restaurant, beach, or hiking trail. These environments serve as powerful reminders of your inner narratives.

Action Item: Identify a couple places that give you peace whether it’s a place of nature or a coffee shop. Can you somehow arrange your schedule to visit that place a couple times a week/month? Making time for such places is grounding.

5. Mindful Smiles

The people you choose to smile at reflect the narratives you find uplifting. Be mindful of your smiles - directing warmth towards those who resonate with your heart reinforces the narratives that bring you joy, shaping your interpersonal experiences.

Action Item: If you see someone doing something you like and/or believe in, just smile at them. Seriously. Simply smiling moves your own heart and, if the individual sees you smiling, it may open a deeper connection.

6. Content & Food Consumption

From films to music to avocado toast to pasta, the content and food you engage with tells a story. Are you consuming content i.e stories aligned with your best self? Are you eating foods that also do the same? Conscious awareness of these narratives empowers you to reinforce the stories you want to embody. Identifying content and food that resonates with your values allows you to amplify those influences, contributing to inner healing and peace.

Action Item: Similar to your wardrobe, what pieces of content and food bring you joy? Take a look at your music playlists or recently played movies. Take a look at what you eat. Double-down on engaging with content and food that resonates with your heart. Discard that which is out of alignment with you.

7. Ancestral Rituals

Explore ancestral rituals, whether it's a tea ceremony or Shabbat prayers. Connecting with these traditions can be profoundly soul-stirring, adding depth to the narratives of your heritage. Understanding the roots of these rituals enhances your connection to where you come from, enriching your personal story.

Action Item: Discover one ritual that goes back to your ancestral roots. If you don’t know what that is, then find out. Every culture/region in the world has them. Do the ritual once a month for yourself. It could be something as simple as burning “oud” to an ancestral dance.

Final Thoughts

Knowing yourself is a lifelong journey. The above ideas and directions provide a compelling start to illuminating parts of your being, revealing the grandeur that you are. Run with it as you delve into the heart of why you’re here.

"I wish that I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being."

-Hafiz